Questions to ask your father on Father's Day: his childhood, his work and the things he never said out loud

Short answer: Ask your father about things he can show or explain: the street he grew up on, his first job, the car, the tools, his own father. Many fathers talk more easily about what they did than about how they felt, and the feelings come along anyway. Pick five questions, ask them while doing something together, and record the answers on your phone if he agrees.

Last updated: 3 November 2026.

Many fathers are better at fixing a bicycle than at talking about their childhood. That does not mean they have no stories; it usually means nobody asked the right way. A question about the first car or the street where he played gets a longer answer than a question about what he felt.

The questions below are for a father, a grandfather or a stepfather. They work between friends too: ask a friend who has just become a father what surprised him, or an older friend what his own father was like. Choose a few, and let him take his time.

How to ask

• Do something together. Walk, drive, cook or repair something. Side by side, many fathers talk more freely than face to face.
• Start with a thing. An old photo, a watch, a tool or a car brochure gets him talking faster than a question about feelings.
• Ask about work. What he did all day, who he worked with and what he was good at is often the door to everything else.
• Let silences be. Wait a few seconds after an answer. Often the real story comes after the pause.
• Ask for one detail. After each answer, ask what it looked like, what it cost or who else was there.

When you were a boy

1. Where did you grow up, and what was the street like?
2. What did you do after school, and with whom?
3. What was the naughtiest thing you ever did as a boy?
4. Which game, sport or hobby could you spend hours on?
5. What did you want to become, and what happened to that dream?
6. Who was your hero when you were ten?
7. What did you get for your birthday when you were small?

Your own father

1. What was your father like, and what did he do for a living?
2. What did you do together, just the two of you?
3. What did he teach you with his hands?
4. Which of his habits did you take over, and which did you leave behind?
5. What would you like to ask him now, if you could?

Work and things you made

1. What was your first job, and what did you earn?
2. Which job did you like most, and why?
3. Who was the best colleague you ever had?
4. What are you good at that most people do not know?
5. What is the thing you made or repaired that you are proudest of?
6. What was your first car, and where did you drive it?

Becoming a father

1. What do you remember of the day I was born?
2. How did you feel the first time you held me?
3. What did you find hardest about being a father?
4. What did you want to do differently from your own father?
5. What did we do together that you still think about?
6. What did I do as a child that made you proud, even if you never said so?
7. How did you meet my mother, or the person you shared your life with?

Looking back and ahead

1. Which decision in your life are you most glad you made?
2. What did you worry about that turned out fine?
3. Who are the friends you can still call any time?
4. What would you like your grandchildren to know about you?
5. What do you still want to do, see or learn?
6. What is the best advice anyone ever gave you?
7. What is the best Father's Day you remember?
8. What would you like from us this year, besides socks?

Recording and keeping the answers

• Ask first. Say why you would like to record: so the stories are not lost, and so others can hear them later. If someone prefers not to be recorded, write down a few words afterwards instead.
• Use the voice recorder on your phone and put the phone on the table, not in your hand. After a few minutes people forget it is there. A voice says more than a perfect transcript.
• Write down the basics the same day: who answered, the date, the place and the names that came up. Without names and a date, a recording is hard to place ten years from now.
• Photograph the photos and objects that were passed around, and keep them with the recording.
• Keep two copies in two places, and send them to the people who were there.

A place for the answers

If you want one place for the answers, The Memory Palace is made for this: your own 3D palace with rooms you walk through, where photos, voice recordings, videos and written stories hang side by side. You can make a room for him, write the questions and answers in it as stories, and hang the recordings next to the photos they are about. With a collect link, relatives or friends can add a photo, a memory or a voice recording from their browser, without an account. With the weekly question, a parent can also get one question a week by email, after saying yes, and answer by pressing a button and talking. A palace is private by default and you choose who gets in. It is made by a small team in Leuven, and you can start one for free.

Questions for other occasions

• St Nicholas and Sinterklaas
• Christmas dinner with grandparents
• New Year's Eve with friends
• A 70th, 80th or 90th birthday
• Your parents' wedding anniversary
• Mother's Day
• A funeral or condolence visit
• Grandparents meeting the new baby
• A school or class reunion
• A road trip or holiday with old friends
• A retirement farewell

Read on: questions to ask your mother on Mother's Day, when a parent does not want to talk about the past, a gift for parents who want nothing, how to interview older family members, the free printable sheet of twenty questions to ask your parents.