Questions to ask your mother on Mother's Day: her childhood, her own mother and the life you never asked about

Short answer: Ask your mother about the parts of her life you know least: her own childhood, her mother, the years before you, and what becoming a mother was like. Pick five questions instead of a card full of compliments, ask them over coffee or on a walk, and record the answers on your phone if she agrees.

Last updated: 3 November 2026.

Most of us know our mothers as mothers. We know what she cooked, what she said when we came home late, how she sounded on the phone. Far fewer of us know who she was at twelve, what she wanted to become, or what her own mother was like. Mother's Day is a good moment to ask, because she expects attention that day anyway.

The questions below are for a mother, a grandmother or a stepmother. They also work for friends: ask a friend who has just become a mother what it is like, or an older friend whose own children live far away. Choose a few, and let her decide how much to say.

How to ask

• Give the questions as a present. Write three questions on a card. She can answer them that day, or later, in her own time.
• Start with a photo. A photo of her as a girl or as a young woman starts a story faster than any question.
• Ask about her, not about you. Questions about her own childhood and dreams are the ones she is asked least.
• Go for a walk. Side by side, without looking at each other, many people talk more easily than across a table.
• Accept short answers. If one question does not land, move on. Sometimes the answer comes a week later.

When you were a girl

1. Where did you grow up, and what did your street look like?
2. What did you play, and who did you play with?
3. What was your favourite meal as a child, and who made it?
4. Which teacher do you still remember, and why?
5. What did you want to become when you grew up?
6. What were you not allowed to do that other children could?
7. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

Your own mother

1. What was your mother like when you were small?
2. What did she teach you, without ever saying it?
3. Which of her sayings do you still use?
4. What do you know about her own childhood?
5. What would you like to ask her now, if you could?
6. In what way are you like her, and in what way not at all?

Before you were a mother

1. What was your first job, and what did you earn?
2. Who were your best friends when you were twenty?
3. Where did you go out, and what did you wear?
4. What was the bravest thing you did as a young woman?
5. How did you meet my father, or the person you shared your life with?

Becoming a mother

1. What do you remember of the day I was born?
2. How did you choose my name, and which names nearly made it?
3. What surprised you most about being a mother?
4. What was the hardest year with small children?
5. Who helped you, and who did you wish had helped more?
6. What did I do as a child that still makes you laugh?
7. Is there something you would do differently now?

Your life now

1. What are you proud of that has nothing to do with your children?
2. What do you enjoy most these days?
3. Which friends matter most to you now?
4. Is there something you still want to learn or see?
5. What would you like your grandchildren to know about you?
6. What do you want to be remembered for?
7. What is the best thing anyone ever did for you on Mother's Day?
8. What would you like from us, besides flowers?

Recording and keeping the answers

• Ask first. Say why you would like to record: so the stories are not lost, and so others can hear them later. If someone prefers not to be recorded, write down a few words afterwards instead.
• Use the voice recorder on your phone and put the phone on the table, not in your hand. After a few minutes people forget it is there. A voice says more than a perfect transcript.
• Write down the basics the same day: who answered, the date, the place and the names that came up. Without names and a date, a recording is hard to place ten years from now.
• Photograph the photos and objects that were passed around, and keep them with the recording.
• Keep two copies in two places, and send them to the people who were there.

A place for the answers

If you want one place for the answers, The Memory Palace is made for this: your own 3D palace with rooms you walk through, where photos, voice recordings, videos and written stories hang side by side. You can make a room for her, write the questions and answers in it as stories, and hang the recordings next to the photos they are about. With a collect link, relatives or friends can add a photo, a memory or a voice recording from their browser, without an account. With the weekly question, a parent can also get one question a week by email, after saying yes, and answer by pressing a button and talking. A palace is private by default and you choose who gets in. It is made by a small team in Leuven, and you can start one for free.

Questions for other occasions

• St Nicholas and Sinterklaas
• Christmas dinner with grandparents
• New Year's Eve with friends
• A 70th, 80th or 90th birthday
• Your parents' wedding anniversary
• Father's Day
• A funeral or condolence visit
• Grandparents meeting the new baby
• A school or class reunion
• A road trip or holiday with old friends
• A retirement farewell

Read on: where do you keep your mother's oldest picture, questions to ask your father on Father's Day, a gift for parents who want nothing, when a parent does not want to talk about the past, the free printable sheet of twenty questions to ask your parents.